Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
