using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
