As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
