You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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