you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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