I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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