I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
