Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
