well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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