I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
