I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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