Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
