We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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