There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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