Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...so i touched it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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