She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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