apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
