He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
