I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
