She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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