I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
