he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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