Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
