i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
