Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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