you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
