your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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