you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
