I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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