Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize