She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
