Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
