how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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