Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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