and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
