so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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