Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
