Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
