Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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