he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
