she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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