if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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