guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
