I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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