I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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