May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
