My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
