she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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