i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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