My first STD was from a foam party
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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