I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
only you would photoshop your dick
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
