Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
