if only i could text you this smell
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
