Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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