the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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