Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
