while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
