What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
