I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
