I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
