when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
