Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
