I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
