He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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