I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
