Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your cock deserves a montage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
