Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
