Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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