i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
