I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When are your genitals available?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
