I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
