i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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