Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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