Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize