my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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