is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
