im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
