Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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