Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
